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13 September 2009

SMS HUMOR

š If you need advice, text me...

If you need a friend, call me...

If you need me, come to me...

If you need money... ...........

THE SUBSCRIBER

CANNOT BE REACHED!

__________________________________

š Press down if u think IM da best..

I KNEW IT!

Im 2 good

wat can I say!

still pressin?U must really love me!

O stop it!

Well,wot can i say? ;-)

__________________________________

š I wanted to send u something amazing,sexy, funny, beautiful.. but the postman told me to get the hell out of the letterbox!

__________________________________

š Press Down

Press Up

Oh! ur phone is working then, U LIAR!

š __________________________________

We hv knwn..

Each othr 4..

Quite awhile

now,do u tink

we can b more..

Den FRIENDS?

Cos I LUV U

Vry much 2 be

my..

PARTNER

2-rob-a BANK

2nite!!

__________________________________

š Birds love u, Monkeys love u, Hippos love u, Chimpanzee love u, Tortoise love u, Giraffe love u................

please return to the zoo, they all miss u, dont escape again!!!

__________________________________

š In case of fire read this message..

.......

.......

.......

.......

.......

I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU IDIOT!!

š __________________________________

You'rE CutE

CharminG

CooL

SmarT

ClassY

WittY

AttractivE

EndearinG

So LovabLE

ThaT WaS SenT 2 ME, JusT WanteD YOU 2 ReaD IT!

__________________________________

š Good looks catch the eyes but good personality catches the heart. you are blessed with both! FLATTERED? dont be, it was sent to me, i just wanted u 2 read it...

__________________________________

š Your teeth are so yellow.....

i can't believe it's not butter!!! I want u 2 know dat our frenship means alot 2 me.

U cry I cry.

U laff I laff.

U jump out of d window

I look dwn & then ...... I laff again! :)

__________________________________

š This sms can only be readed by someone SEXY:...try again...again...maybe you are just not sexy?...one more time...hey don't force it ugly!!!

__________________________________

š (><) /l

( ö ) / l

(,,Jb/ l

$=$=$ <;)))><

NICE PEOPLE

are hard

to fish

out

i'm glad

i caught

you.

stay NICE

or else..... I'll fry you..

__________________________________

š You!

I trustd u so much but u couldn keep ur big mouth shut!Y u av tel

others my secrt? Uv realy let me down! Pls stp telin ppl dat im so SEXY

n GORGEOUS!

__________________________________

š We spend the first twelve months of our children s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.

__________________________________

š Girlfriends are appetizers,

Taste good at anytime,

Mistresses are tomyams,

Hot & spicy,eaten frequently,

Wifes are sardines,

Eaten when there's nothing to eat

__________________________________

š A Baby monkey asked his mother, why are we ugly? Mother said : thank god

we look like this, u should see the person reading this message! I saw u in d corner

U so cute,

__________________________________

š I saw ur nose,

Ur ears, ur mouth, ur eyes,

N start singin’, ‘who lets d dogs out'

__________________________________

š u should do 2 things in the morning 1)pray to GOD so u can live 2) have a shower so others can live...

__________________________________

š God made man and then rested.

God made women and then no one rested

__________________________________

š ZIPPER

;;

;;

;;

; ;

;;

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;') ;

; ;


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; ( ') ;

;/ /;

; ;


;() ( ') ;

; )/ /;

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;(),,()("') ;

;( ö,)/ / ; HI

; ) ;what were

;


; ü thinking

š If anyone

ö bulliés u

/L

<ö_,

Y

< >

<ö_,

Y__,

<

ö>

/Y

<>

,_ö>

,__Y

L

<ö_,

Y__,

./

ö , Don't call /Y) me,just

< > run OK

š the police are looking for a suspect who is smart,sexy,witty&very good looking...so where are u gonna hide me?

__________________________________

š Hi i'm an alien i'm checking for some chicks in your phonebook

searching..... searching..... searching..... sorry no chicks found.

conclusion, your are gay!

__________________________________

š Everyones entitled to be stupid, but your abusing the privilege!

__________________________________

š What's that ugly thing on your neck? OOOH..... Its your face!

__________________________________

š Dear God, Thankyou for making me healthy, can You also make me sexy. If You can't make me sexy, then please!, make all my friends "fat!

__________________________________

š News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

__________________________________

š Girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked too, but if you press the wrong button you ll be disconnected!

__________________________________

š I am a killer,I kill people for money.....But because you are my friend,I'll kill you for nothing!

__________________________________

š UR 100%beautiful

UR 100%lovely

UR 100%sweet

UR 100%nice...and

UR 100%stupid to believe these words!

__________________________________

š I'm at the Police Station.The police caught me & filed a case against me 4 "POSSESSION OF GOOD LOOKS" I'm doomed! NEED SOMEONE UGLY 2 BAIL ME OUT; So HURRY UP!

__________________________________

š SOME1 MISSES U, NEEDS U, WORRIES ABOUT U WANTS 2B WITH U

& IT AINT ME U FOOL!

__________________________________

š some love 1 some love 2 i love some one and that one is (not) you

š A-ur attractive

B-ur beautiful

C-ur caring

D-ur delicous

E-ur exciting

F-ur funny

G-ur gorgeous

H-ur heavenly

I-IM

J-JUST K-KIDDING

L-LOSER!

__________________________________

š I saw you walking on the street. Your eyes, your lips, your nose.. everything look perfect. I couldn't help sing to myself, 'WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!! WOOF !'

__________________________________

š The rain makes all things beautiful, The grass & flowers 2, If rain makes all things beautiful, Why doesn’t it rain on you?

__________________________________

š I think you are ugly and stupid, You are a real pain in the …... Wait a moment.... oh no, I do have the right number...

__________________________________

š .-"""-.

( 'o' )

(,,)==(,,) y did god create u b4 me?

Coz he wanted to make a rough sketch, B4 makin a master piece!!!

__________________________________

š I L . . . . . .

I Cant Say It

I L O . . . .

What Can I Do

I L O V . . .

Please Dont Be Angry

I L O V E . .

Dont Press Down

I LOVE MY SELF

__________________________________

š Roses are red Violets are bleu. God made me perfect, but what the hell happend to you

__________________________________

š Woman complaining to dentist: I d rather get pregnant than have a tooth filling! Dentist: ok, decide from now so i can adjust the chair accordingly

__________________________________

š Psst! Cutie yes YOU! Ur smiling again Its coz i told u dat ur CUTE hey Sometimes we need 2 lie Just to make some one SMILE!

__________________________________

š You know when you are really too fat? When you are on the beach and Greenpeace carries you back to the sea.

__________________________________

š I am born this way, but what is your excuse?

__________________________________

š We would like to inform u to ure life was a mistake, so plz report to ure local vet to b put down...Srry for any inconvieniences!!

__________________________________

š WANTED..Guy.preferably hansome,nice car,nice ass,fantastic in bed,kind & caring...I no this doesnt apply 2 u but if ya no any 1 give them my number

__________________________________

š Im ur secret admirer u touch me in all the right places u always no how to turn me on ur lookin at me rite now smilin,who am i? im ur phone u fool

š UR CUTE

UR SWEET

UR NICE

UR A STAR

UR HONEST

UR GOODLOOKING

UR CARING

UR GOOD

UR GENTLE

IN FACT UR JUST "LIKE ME"!!

__________________________________

š I'm not as dumb as you look

__________________________________

š Roses are red,

violence are blue,

Someone like you

belongs to the zoo!

Don't be mad,

don't be blue,

Frankenstein was

ugly to!

__________________________________

š How Do U Keep An Idiot Entertained?

Press Down

Press Up......................

__________________________________

š You = Cute

You = Sexy

You = Intelligent

You = delicious

You = Sweet

You = Perfect

Me = Liar

HA HA

__________________________________

š U picked me up,u took me home,u put ur hands around my waist,u took off my top,den u put ur lips om mine. THANK GOD im a bottle of PEPSI.

__________________________________

š How i wish i kud touch u, fil ur body, n hold u w/ my hand, 2 kis ur lips so fresh, n 2 zip the tastiest part of u! i luv u...my refreshing COCA-COLA !!!

__________________________________

š Teacher: I wish you would pay a little attention! Student: I m paying as little as I can sir!

__________________________________

š Roses r red, violets r blue, its valentines day and no 1 luvs u!!!

__________________________________

š You = Gorgeous

You = Sexy

You = Intelligent

You = Delicious

You = Seductive

You = Perfect

Me = liar

Only Joking!!

__________________________________

š laugh and the world laughs with you -snore and you sleep alone

__________________________________

š Please turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry 370HSSV 0773H

__________________________________

š Girls think

boys are fit.

Boys think

girls are sexy.

But don't worry...

I'm sure science

will come up

with something

to help you

__________________________________

š I really deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room.on my bed&lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my glow in the dark watch.

__________________________________

š This is MAGIC !

Press down 12times U"ll become CUTE!

at ur AGE u stil believe in MAGIC? Shame on u

__________________________________

š Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain.

__________________________________

š U are a...

B.I.T.C.H.

Beautiful

Intelligent

Talented

Cute

Honest

r u smiling now?

__________________________________

š is there any intelligent life on earth ? yes but I’m only visiting

__________________________________

š A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home

__________________________________

š U got style, u got sex-appeal, u got the intelligence and u sure got the body. Wait. Sorry, wrong number!

__________________________________

š the road to success is usually

...............

under construction

__________________________________

š >>WARNING<<

Mobile-Bomb

Mobile-Bomb

Mobile-Bomb

Mobile-Bomb

Mobile-Bomb

Mobile-Bomb

Mobile-Bomb

*YOUR MOBILE IS DEAD*

__________________________________

š Learn from the mistakes of others... you can't live long enough to make them all yourselves!

š When I was a kid, I wanna be a president. When i was a boy i wanna be Rockstar. In college I wanna be a Doctor .. But when i'm grow up now, i wanna be your underwear!

__________________________________

š I lie awake at night & think "WOW" - you're a cute, hot, amazing, smart, sexy, gorgeous, respectable, intelligent person. Gotta take that mirror off my ceilling!!

__________________________________

š The Village called and said they were looking for u. They're missing their Idiot

__________________________________

š Reality is for people who can't face science fiction

__________________________________

š Be quiet in the classroom, respect the fact that others sleep!

__________________________________

š What do you have in common with your husband ? " We married on the same day."

__________________________________

š I'm bored, you're boring....

so don't SMS me back!

__________________________________

š U need MONEY to call someone HONEY

__________________________________

š Roses are red,

Violets are Blue,

Sugar is sweet,

And so are you....

The roses are wilted,

The violets are dead,

The sugar bowl's empty....

And so is your head!!

__________________________________

š Sometimes, I think I'd be better off dead.

No, wait.

Not me, you.

__________________________________

š Do you know what this world is coming to?

People waste so much time on stupid things, and hey guess wat you just wasted 7 seconds of your life reading this, lol...

__________________________________

š How do you kill a blue elephant?

- With a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a pink elephant?

- Choke it 'till it turns blue then shooot it with the blue elephant gun.

š __________________________________

I am really trying to imagine you with a personality.

Oops, I can't.

__________________________________

š The statement below is false.

The statement above is true.

Which statement is correct?

__________________________________

š Rose's are red,

Violet's are blue,

Sugar is sweet.......

and you smell like sweaty monkey rectum. It doesn't rhyme but at least it's the truth.

__________________________________

š Nice perfume. Must you marinade in it?

__________________________________

š I hate it when you leave....

but I would like to see you go.

__________________________________

š I won't even read your senseless messages....

why waste your limited time?

__________________________________

š if u luv ur man set him free....

if he doesn't return he's with ME!

š __________________________________

I never forget a face, but for you

I will make an exception.

__________________________________

š looking up at the stars and matching them up with one reason we are friends.....

then I ran out of stars.

__________________________________

š You always smile...

you never say no......

you never hurt me....

my dear sweet TEDDYBEAR!!

__________________________________

š One day a teacher ask a primary school student "If you have 5 apples and the student next to your class take 3 apples away." What will you have?

>>> A FIGHT <<<

__________________________________

š A puzzle game had just been installed in your phone.

If you want to play, just throw your phone to any wall. Try it! Guarantee is nice!

__________________________________

š don't feel glue,

Einstein was ugly too!

__________________________________

š Anyone knows why people don’t get white hair if they smoke?

Because smokers die early, so they don’t have the chances to get old.

__________________________________

š Last night I was desperately looking for you....

I wanted to feel you on my naked body.....

I had to go to bed without you....

So where have you been??

....Stupid pyjama!

__________________________________

š For you I would go as far as the end of the world....

Do you promise to stay here?

__________________________________

š Did I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey jacket?

No?

Oh, than it was a rubbish bag after all! Don't feel sad,

__________________________________

š Hello, this is your mobile.

There is no particular problem.

I just wanted to leave your pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!!

š __________________________________

If being ugly would hurt...

you would be in pain all day long.

__________________________________

š Love me or leave me.

Hey,where is everybody going ?

__________________________________

š My feelings for you are like the sea.

" Wild and romantic ? "

"No, they make me sick"

__________________________________

š This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat!

Now read it all without the word cat!

__________________________________

š This is the telephone terrorist team.

While receiving this message a virus will be activated.

This virus should have infected your mobile by now.

Your mobile will be disabled.....

unless you are ugly.

__________________________________

š All nice things in life are illegal, immoral......

or make you grow fat.

š __________________________________

Those beautiful eyes, that incredible body, such a brain, a sexy mouth, nice smile .... but that is enough about me, tell me how you are?

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